Autophobia

this is where
a conflicting mind
turns into
a conflicting heart
and the mind begins to wander.

i love you
turns to
you love me
turns to
i hate me
turns to
why.

this skin,
this face,
these bones,
they do not feel like
they belong to me
anymore.

they all belong to pictures and "what-if's" and
i hate myself, ihatemyself, i h a t e m y s e l f .

why shouldn't i be me?
why must you be her?
why can't i be you?